The Thirty-Fifth Month: September 2007
3rd Monday
You spent ages – an hour or more washing kitchen floor today, and kitchen door panes – wiping with cloth, also spraying bins. I started cleaning out kitchen cupboards, but also managed a 45- minute chat with Claire in New Zealand, as you washed and wiped! We only ate lunch about 1.30 and you were almost falling asleep in your food – in garden.
You played with bird whistle in the garden. You went through 3 changes of clothes in about an hour, with all that water, in the end I just took them off.
Went to Kate’s, and Misri come round at tea-time.
6th Sept
Conversations this week:
“Mummy what does mean accident’ ( ie what does the word mean). Does it mean something broked? – a good definition I thought.
You found a spider in the bucket.
“Shall I wash the spider out the bucket, and after is he dead’ (I washed it out, as you wanted to use the bucket). “ Is he dead”
“Daddy will die, you will die.”…then later, “ I will die when I am old.” “Grandad will die, and what?” (meaning who) – a reference to Nana Noreen who has died recently.
Eating dinner outside – very warm, loads of flies swarming. Shoo shoo, you say then every now and again ‘Bloody, bloody’ .. as you smirk, and I ignore you.
11th 7am
Yesterday you played at Kate’s and Indi’s house while I had an appointment, afterwards we went to the Elephant Tiger playground. You and Indi watched a girl called Grace climbing on the little slide, which previously you have not been interested in. Suddenly you were copying Grace and Indi as they climbed over bars and tried to monkey along a high bar while I held you.
We all came back to our house for lunch – chicken, rice, green beans and broccoli. You were both drawing before lunch – I had given you a lead/graphite pencil – and lost my temper with you because I told you not to put it in you mouth, but you did. It upset me that I lost control, and I talked about it with Kate afterwards who had noticed that I’d became tense as soon as we arrived at the house.
I put you to bed for an hour and a half, as you seemed in need of some sleep. When I woke you, you sat on my knee, really still for 10 minutes, and cuddled into me a bit. We were listening to the quiet bits of the Tatty Bumpkin CD, then we had a lively time dancing around the bedroom and doing yoga. Afterwards you helped me pack for France, which I was surprised kept you entertained for so long. You then discovered Pete’s paragliding harness out in the spare room which occupied you for ages while I made the supper (omelette, salad, berries, yoghurt, meringue)
Meal times are stressful at the moment, mainly because I am irritated by what seems your deliberate chucking of food, wiping hands on the table cloth, playing with your food/water. Kate reminded me that everything you are doing is appropriate to your age and developmental stage and that 50 per cent of coping is about having the right attitude. I feel my tolerance level is low, and that I am on a short fuse a lot of the time. I felt on the edge yesterday, in spite of of having a weekend away on my own in London. (Aunty Anna’ s 40th celebrations)
Going away on Friday, I had left you, emotionally drained because the last thing I’d done is scream at you because I had struggled with putting your nappy on, and with persuading you to dress after you had played in the garden splashing around with no clothes on. I thought that wasn’t a great way to say goodbye, and you were really tired too, as you fell asleep when we drove to the station with Bearnie. Of course, you had a lovely time at Bearnie’s playing in the garden.
The next time I saw you was on Monday morning, you came into the bedroom and said ‘I got a poo.’ What was I expecting, “Hello mummy , I missed you” ? No chance.
25th Tuesday
You went to Papa’s office yesterday morning and enjoyed drawing and generally running around and clinging to his leg demanding attention when he was on the phone. Later that afternoon you went to Grandpa and Grandmas. When I came to collect you were bouncing off the walls you were so tired (you had refused to have a nap and demanded to be taken out of their cot, which you can just about climb out off). You were dancing in the Living room with Grandpa – to the crooning of the Everley brothers. He told me that you had thrown half of your pasta salad on the floor deliberately – and that even his stern voice didn’t inhibit you. We are struggling a bit with your mealtime behaviour. But he also said how good you were at amusing yourself, how you get engaged with things.
26th Sept Weds
Recent gems:
After a bike ride with Pete, in which he got a puncture, you talked about the ‘punchie’ (ginnel ge-dup, ginnel ge-dup - you imitating the sound of the wheel being re-inflated with the pump.) We’d gone down to the organic food festival on the harbourside the first weekend iin September – a lovely outing on the bikes. We all gorged ourselves on the free food samples – bread, cheese, wine, nibbles, beer, biscuits and chocolate. It must have seemed like Christmas to you, as you reached up over the stall tables and fished around for choc and bacon bits. You ate more Green and Blacks chocolate than you’ve ever had.
We have just returned from 10 days in St Andre les Alpes, in the Hautte Provence, where Papa was doing a a paragliding comp. You are very curious and excited about everything to do with paragliders – you talk about the harness, the GPS, packing the glider away in the bag after landing etc
The weather was gorgeous, perfectly warm and sunny, though very chilly in the mornings and evenings when the sun wasn’t about. For company I had invited Sandra and baby Lewis (20 months).
We were by the sea in Portiragne for the first two nights staying with Papa’s friends of 40 years Pete and Linda Wilcox. You and Lewis managed to get on OK there. Most memorable incident: Papa carrying you on his shoulders into the rough waves, closely watched by the young French lifeguard, who told him off for taking such a risk, the undertow is strong and the waves unpredictable, all of which Papa was oblivious to.
27th Sept Friday
You have an endearing habit at bedtime of saying you want to tell me a secret and then whispering ‘I love you ‘ in my ear, which Papa thinks is really soppy, but you have this expression of excitement and delight on your face as you play this evening game. You did it again this evening. Hard to believe a few minutes before I was screaming at you in the bathroom, as you deliberately peed on the carpet for the third time after your shower. I had already been short tempered with you earlier and then we had a calm quiet time as you sat on my knee wrapped in your towel. We played a game of blowing raspberries on each other , then I tried to put your nappy on – you were laughing as you peed everywhere. I completely lost it and went out of the room, but the more I screamed with annoyance the more you giggled, I guess it is great entertainment for you to see me really angry. I put you in your room with your pyjamas and closed the curtains. No story tonight but I sat with you for a while.
The last few days I have lost control on a regular basis – because I don’t know how to manage your behaviour which I don’t like – throwing food on the floor at mealtimes, deliberately messing up the table. I try to ignore it but eventually I explode. I need to learn to count to 10, to be more detached about it.
Went for a wonderful walk at Snuff Mills today with Kelly, Jimmy and Tilda. Dull wet day brightened up to sunshine and we were exploring for 3 hours. You and Jim were a bit tentative at first, walking slowly holding on to either side of K’s pushchair but eventually were climbing up the high banks over the tree roots, exploring the woods. I have been asking everyone for advice on managing tricky behaviour. K recommended the book ‘ How to talk so your children will listen’ which suggests that the adult has ‘time-out’ – so the adult announces that the behaviour made her cross and that she is going to be on her own for a bit – leaving the room. I liked the idea as it seemed more appropriate for the adult to withdraw and reflect. We did lots of discussing of various parenting books/ideas - Tanya Byron and her behaviourist approach, the people who use ‘time out’ – which seems to be overused and doesn’t seem appropriate for under 3s – even under 5s, as you need to be able to think/reflect on your actions. It’s surprising how people just accept certain techniques as the norm because they’ve seen them on telly, without knowing anything about the long term psychological consequences of them.
30th Sept Sunday
A walk in Leigh Woods and lunch in Southville restaurant afterwards. You were very tired so it was difficult for you to be there, plus we had the excitement of completely flooding the loos. (You are going through several changes of clothes a day at the moment…and I am doing loads of washing again).
You wanted and didn’t’ want things and were uncharacteristically screechy. A woman came up and said ‘”he’s being a normal 2 and a half year old’ – and asked your name and then said what a stunning, delightful boy you were, and that “it was a pleasure to share a restaurant with him.” She had two grown up boys. It felt so lovely to be understood and accepted.
Later we went to a book shop, and you were so tired you lay down on the pavement. These days the afternoons can be hard, as you can’t seem to go to sleep but you struggle to make it through til bedtime.
We saw you pretending to smoke a fag and then drop it and stamp it out on the ground! And as we walked past the cash machine, you stood there momentarily and put your hand out!
You spent ages – an hour or more washing kitchen floor today, and kitchen door panes – wiping with cloth, also spraying bins. I started cleaning out kitchen cupboards, but also managed a 45- minute chat with Claire in New Zealand, as you washed and wiped! We only ate lunch about 1.30 and you were almost falling asleep in your food – in garden.
You played with bird whistle in the garden. You went through 3 changes of clothes in about an hour, with all that water, in the end I just took them off.
Went to Kate’s, and Misri come round at tea-time.
6th Sept
Conversations this week:
“Mummy what does mean accident’ ( ie what does the word mean). Does it mean something broked? – a good definition I thought.
You found a spider in the bucket.
“Shall I wash the spider out the bucket, and after is he dead’ (I washed it out, as you wanted to use the bucket). “ Is he dead”
“Daddy will die, you will die.”…then later, “ I will die when I am old.” “Grandad will die, and what?” (meaning who) – a reference to Nana Noreen who has died recently.
Eating dinner outside – very warm, loads of flies swarming. Shoo shoo, you say then every now and again ‘Bloody, bloody’ .. as you smirk, and I ignore you.
11th 7am
Yesterday you played at Kate’s and Indi’s house while I had an appointment, afterwards we went to the Elephant Tiger playground. You and Indi watched a girl called Grace climbing on the little slide, which previously you have not been interested in. Suddenly you were copying Grace and Indi as they climbed over bars and tried to monkey along a high bar while I held you.
We all came back to our house for lunch – chicken, rice, green beans and broccoli. You were both drawing before lunch – I had given you a lead/graphite pencil – and lost my temper with you because I told you not to put it in you mouth, but you did. It upset me that I lost control, and I talked about it with Kate afterwards who had noticed that I’d became tense as soon as we arrived at the house.
I put you to bed for an hour and a half, as you seemed in need of some sleep. When I woke you, you sat on my knee, really still for 10 minutes, and cuddled into me a bit. We were listening to the quiet bits of the Tatty Bumpkin CD, then we had a lively time dancing around the bedroom and doing yoga. Afterwards you helped me pack for France, which I was surprised kept you entertained for so long. You then discovered Pete’s paragliding harness out in the spare room which occupied you for ages while I made the supper (omelette, salad, berries, yoghurt, meringue)
Meal times are stressful at the moment, mainly because I am irritated by what seems your deliberate chucking of food, wiping hands on the table cloth, playing with your food/water. Kate reminded me that everything you are doing is appropriate to your age and developmental stage and that 50 per cent of coping is about having the right attitude. I feel my tolerance level is low, and that I am on a short fuse a lot of the time. I felt on the edge yesterday, in spite of of having a weekend away on my own in London. (Aunty Anna’ s 40th celebrations)
Going away on Friday, I had left you, emotionally drained because the last thing I’d done is scream at you because I had struggled with putting your nappy on, and with persuading you to dress after you had played in the garden splashing around with no clothes on. I thought that wasn’t a great way to say goodbye, and you were really tired too, as you fell asleep when we drove to the station with Bearnie. Of course, you had a lovely time at Bearnie’s playing in the garden.
The next time I saw you was on Monday morning, you came into the bedroom and said ‘I got a poo.’ What was I expecting, “Hello mummy , I missed you” ? No chance.
25th Tuesday
You went to Papa’s office yesterday morning and enjoyed drawing and generally running around and clinging to his leg demanding attention when he was on the phone. Later that afternoon you went to Grandpa and Grandmas. When I came to collect you were bouncing off the walls you were so tired (you had refused to have a nap and demanded to be taken out of their cot, which you can just about climb out off). You were dancing in the Living room with Grandpa – to the crooning of the Everley brothers. He told me that you had thrown half of your pasta salad on the floor deliberately – and that even his stern voice didn’t inhibit you. We are struggling a bit with your mealtime behaviour. But he also said how good you were at amusing yourself, how you get engaged with things.
26th Sept Weds
Recent gems:
After a bike ride with Pete, in which he got a puncture, you talked about the ‘punchie’ (ginnel ge-dup, ginnel ge-dup - you imitating the sound of the wheel being re-inflated with the pump.) We’d gone down to the organic food festival on the harbourside the first weekend iin September – a lovely outing on the bikes. We all gorged ourselves on the free food samples – bread, cheese, wine, nibbles, beer, biscuits and chocolate. It must have seemed like Christmas to you, as you reached up over the stall tables and fished around for choc and bacon bits. You ate more Green and Blacks chocolate than you’ve ever had.
We have just returned from 10 days in St Andre les Alpes, in the Hautte Provence, where Papa was doing a a paragliding comp. You are very curious and excited about everything to do with paragliders – you talk about the harness, the GPS, packing the glider away in the bag after landing etc
The weather was gorgeous, perfectly warm and sunny, though very chilly in the mornings and evenings when the sun wasn’t about. For company I had invited Sandra and baby Lewis (20 months).
We were by the sea in Portiragne for the first two nights staying with Papa’s friends of 40 years Pete and Linda Wilcox. You and Lewis managed to get on OK there. Most memorable incident: Papa carrying you on his shoulders into the rough waves, closely watched by the young French lifeguard, who told him off for taking such a risk, the undertow is strong and the waves unpredictable, all of which Papa was oblivious to.
27th Sept Friday
You have an endearing habit at bedtime of saying you want to tell me a secret and then whispering ‘I love you ‘ in my ear, which Papa thinks is really soppy, but you have this expression of excitement and delight on your face as you play this evening game. You did it again this evening. Hard to believe a few minutes before I was screaming at you in the bathroom, as you deliberately peed on the carpet for the third time after your shower. I had already been short tempered with you earlier and then we had a calm quiet time as you sat on my knee wrapped in your towel. We played a game of blowing raspberries on each other , then I tried to put your nappy on – you were laughing as you peed everywhere. I completely lost it and went out of the room, but the more I screamed with annoyance the more you giggled, I guess it is great entertainment for you to see me really angry. I put you in your room with your pyjamas and closed the curtains. No story tonight but I sat with you for a while.
The last few days I have lost control on a regular basis – because I don’t know how to manage your behaviour which I don’t like – throwing food on the floor at mealtimes, deliberately messing up the table. I try to ignore it but eventually I explode. I need to learn to count to 10, to be more detached about it.
Went for a wonderful walk at Snuff Mills today with Kelly, Jimmy and Tilda. Dull wet day brightened up to sunshine and we were exploring for 3 hours. You and Jim were a bit tentative at first, walking slowly holding on to either side of K’s pushchair but eventually were climbing up the high banks over the tree roots, exploring the woods. I have been asking everyone for advice on managing tricky behaviour. K recommended the book ‘ How to talk so your children will listen’ which suggests that the adult has ‘time-out’ – so the adult announces that the behaviour made her cross and that she is going to be on her own for a bit – leaving the room. I liked the idea as it seemed more appropriate for the adult to withdraw and reflect. We did lots of discussing of various parenting books/ideas - Tanya Byron and her behaviourist approach, the people who use ‘time out’ – which seems to be overused and doesn’t seem appropriate for under 3s – even under 5s, as you need to be able to think/reflect on your actions. It’s surprising how people just accept certain techniques as the norm because they’ve seen them on telly, without knowing anything about the long term psychological consequences of them.
30th Sept Sunday
A walk in Leigh Woods and lunch in Southville restaurant afterwards. You were very tired so it was difficult for you to be there, plus we had the excitement of completely flooding the loos. (You are going through several changes of clothes a day at the moment…and I am doing loads of washing again).
You wanted and didn’t’ want things and were uncharacteristically screechy. A woman came up and said ‘”he’s being a normal 2 and a half year old’ – and asked your name and then said what a stunning, delightful boy you were, and that “it was a pleasure to share a restaurant with him.” She had two grown up boys. It felt so lovely to be understood and accepted.
Later we went to a book shop, and you were so tired you lay down on the pavement. These days the afternoons can be hard, as you can’t seem to go to sleep but you struggle to make it through til bedtime.
We saw you pretending to smoke a fag and then drop it and stamp it out on the ground! And as we walked past the cash machine, you stood there momentarily and put your hand out!
posted by f at 7:26 AM
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