The Thirty Second Month: June

5th June
We had lunch in the garden today, after my Tatty Bumpkin class. You are always so sweet and say ‘I did like Tatty Bumpkin, Thanks for the Tatty Bumpkin.’ You like to be my little helper and go and gather up the props/shakers etc, or make sure the other children are looking after things properly. There’s only 3 of us at the moment, but we still have fun in the musty church hall.

Today while we ate lunch you kept getting up and wandering round the garden, not your usual food-focussed self. Then you would come and re-connect with me, saying hello, or sitting on my knee, or putting your arms round my neck and leaning on by back, then you kept kissing me on the mouth between mouthfuls – what a delight!
Then we went upstairs for a story, but you wanted to listen to more music. Again you tried to resist going to bed, saying ‘I want a big story’, as I’d said we were having a little one.

For once, I didn’t enter into a discussion with you and just stuck to my guns. We lay on the bed and looked at a little book, and then you went to your bed all smiley, so happy to lie down. I went in later and you had tucked the dog under his little blanket and were clutching the small brown teddy that Tara gave you in Glasgow.

11th June
Another hot weekend. Lots of gardening, planting, digging and lawn-mowing. You helped us both with our different gardening jobs. I think you like watering the garden the best. We also took down the huge canvas tent that has been up for a month or so gathering lakes in the roof. As it is so obviously not watertight, your Papa had the splendid idea of cutting it down into a Theo size tent, so you now have a special play tent in the garden.

Sunday we made pizzas and garden rocket salad, and Jenny, Andy, Juan and Helen came for lunch. You and the other children had a great time playing with water and the sandpit as us adults sat slightly comatose in the heat on the patio. Suddenly you are into building castles in the sand.
Lovely to see you and the two other boys running around naked splashing each other with water. Suddenly you are old enough to have friends and really play with other children, collecting stones, sitting in the tent together..

Running round bare bum stylee, you actually said to me: ‘Mummy I want to do a wee in the grass.’ – most of the time you are oblivious to your bladder. Then a few days later when I said ‘ It’s time for supper’, you said, ‘I’m doing a poo – a little one. (in your nappy)

What you are into;

Still winding your string (coloured wool about 3 metres long) around your arm/wrist/furniture (Papa did do this with the electrics on the mower lawn – ie wind up the lead around his arm).

Using said string or stick and pretend to be catching fish and then giving them to me to eat.

Spitting out your water at the table…and other horrible habits to wind me up like putting your hands in your food deliberately and mixing them around just to see how I will react…, have tried various things and not sure if anything works.

Today you had your first bee sting, playing on the carpet in the spare room with Brio railway track, I was in road getting something from the car and heard a piercing scream. Came in to find Papa carrying you downstairs, naked for bath and cuddled into him – huge sting sticking out of your lower left leg. We brushed it off, and you seemed to be OK (4 days later swelled into huge, hard lump, all the way down your leg..)


June 19th
Fab weekend in Devon visiting Sophie, Chris, Samuel and Laurie in Buckland Monachorum. We walked in a shady wood on Sunday, following the line of a shallow river, all dappled in sunlight. We crossed over a stone bridge, where a notice declared ‘Warning water 40 foot deep at rocks’, and it has become the local daredevil swimming hole. You two watched as big boys in wetsuits plummeted over the bridge, making loud splashes in the dark cold water below. You were fascinated and said ‘I am going to jump in the water when I am a big boy’.

You and Samuel were carrying long branches fanned with leaves, and we called you punkahwallahs, so you ran along the path shouting out ‘we are punkahwallahs, we are punkawallahs’ at the tops of your voices. Lovely to play in their huge garden and be in fresh, clean air – I managed a bit of yoga on the lawn on Sunday morning, while you were playing inside with the lovely array of toys.. Before we left you asked me ‘ what toys are we going to take to Monachorum?’ and then realized ‘oh yes, I am going to play with Samuel’s toys’. The whole of the way there (stuck in awful M5 traffic), you kept saying ‘I want to go to Monachorum,’ again, and again. Eventually you cried yourself to sleep, but then woke up in total exicitement at 10pm when we arrived.

When we walked to the cemetery on Monday you said ‘We did go to the cemetery with Samuel, but Samuel ‘s in the new house in Plymouth. We did go to Monachorum.’ I am still surprised that you really seem to understand that they have moved away.

Some gems from last week;

We were sitting on the sofa, and I went to hug you. You said ‘It’s not time for hugs, we have to do the string.’ ( you were engrossed in tying it up.)
On 14th, you came with me to a nursery, and joined in the session with all the other children – you did really well in a new place, with new children. I left the room at the end, to take the stuff out to the littlies room, and when I came back you stood in a group of children talking with them. I heard you say ‘ my daddy is at the office, he’s coming back later.’. I was so impressed you were making friends already.’

27th June

Papa is away for 10 days ( Paragliding comp in Piedrahita). You come in to my room each morning at 6.30 and say ‘ Where’s my daddy’. After the 4th day you came in smiling and said, ‘my daddy is paragliding’. Yesterday morning you were particularly sad, and kept repeating over and over, ‘ I want my Daddy’, and were crying and wistful ‘ I miss my Daddy’ you said. It was 7am and I sat on the bathroom floor with you in my lap and tried to comfort you. I kept saying ‘ I know you miss your daddy, he ‘’ll be back soon’, and then realized there was still 5 days to go. It broke my heart to see you so distraught and unable to do anything.

I love the way you come into our bed in the mornings, and first of all snuggle down quietly, and then after 5 minutes you are sitting up and asking about things, and whether we can have muesli.

Days are long, and the first two nights I struggled to get you into bed – probably because you sensed that I was impatient for my evening, and was probably trying to hurry you along a bit.

We ‘ve done lovely things though – Saturday, bread and muffin making, Hawks gym and Sandra and Ellen for lunch. Later on Sat, I performed with the Gasworks singers at the Henleaze Lake midsummer garden party. The sun shone for long enough for us to sing, and for me to have an impromptu swim in the deep, black, cold lake, which I love. It reminded me of years ago, when I had too much time on my hands, but loved the tranquility of that magical place.

Monday, Rowan and Martha came, along with baby Leon. A full on morning, with you getting more and more boisterous and fed up that you had to share me. You even got a bit pushy with the little ones and asked ‘when are the babies going?’

You want me more these days, often saying ‘take your apron off/gloves off (the marigolds!) and play with me in my tunnel! (your little play space under the stairs.)


Wednesday

After I had showered this morning, and turned the water off you asked me. ‘Shall I pass you a towel.’ I was touched by your thoughtfulness!

Today , Lucytime – you really got into it today, and danced and got excited when Lucy brought out the harmonica’s and bells. Afterwards we drove to Stroud for Amy’s 4th birthday party. You clung to me in the sea of 9 4 year olds, and wanted me sitting next to you at the birthday lunch. We managed to eat in the garden, before a downfall of torrential rain. Afterwards you enjoyed swinging in the hammock with me, and showing me around the garden.

Ladders are your thing at the moment; today it was a climb two metres up into Callum and Jude’s tree house, yesterday we were exploring in Mitch’s garden, where you also climbed a really tall ladder (making felt badges for the Precious Drops campaign). I notice how when you are at a new house, with new children, you want to stay near to me, and yesterday sat on my lap while I was trying to felt and sew (and eat cake.)

Bedtime: Stories have been replaced by various books of rhymes, nursery rhymes, songs and finger rhymes. That seems to be what appeals. Tonight you got really upset because you wanted the ‘shaving book’ and I didn’t know what you meant, and you were too falling to pieces to show me or help me find it. Eventually I realized it was a rhyme book that had Michael Finegan poem in – which always makes you laugh. It ‘s odd how when you are tired you are a mixture of boisterousness, fidgettness, laughter and tears, actually, maybe that’s all perfectly natural.

I sang ‘ Hush little baby, don’t say a word, papa ‘s going to buy you a mocking bird’. We have sung this a lot, and recently you have been asking why the goat doesn’t go etc. Why is the baby in town? Tonight you said ‘Why are all the presents broken?’ There is no answer to that one.

Tonight, I said I love you, and you replied, “ I love you, and you love me, I love Papa and Papa loves me and Papa loves you and we all love.’ (Now you are able to add ‘ and we all love each other to the end of this musing..)

Last Thursday, Martha came over to do sewing ( the interminable Steiner dolls which are hard work and exasperating..). it was just us two that evening and we talked about how our children had us tearing our hair out earlier in the day – too much shouting, because we couldn’t cope with their irrational demands or tantrums in her case, T had been throwing stuff all over the house, and laughing when I told him not too. It was attention seeking behaviour because I was busy trying to get things ready to leave the house…anyway M and I talked about schools, education, how to parent in difficult times (when we are exhausted, and when the children are being the most demanding)… anyway it was a great evening (didn’t sew much), and I though how I would miss her leaving Bristol in a few weeks time.